LeSucke

In New Mexico, I rented a Buick LeSabre. Some of you may be thinking that this is a total old-man car built by General Motors, the worst of the worst car makers this side of Seoul. And I'll tell you, despite its shortcomings, this car really isn't all that bad.

Bahaha, not really. What a giant fucking piece of shit. Seriously. The LeSabre is probably the single most shapeless and numbing car of all time. The only positive thing about is that it's so generic that you're likely to forget where the shit you parked it last and would have to buy something of higher quality. Like, you know, a Le Car.

I guess it did have a big trunk. Since that's really the only good thing about it, it's the only picture you're getting.

The list of complaints is familiar if you've heard me rant about GMs before. And actually, double points if you remember the Cavalier article. French curve factory, indeed.

• The exterior is ridiculously uninspiring. It's like they dropped some putty on the drawing board and then just gave up. Coffee breaks seem to be a common occurence at Le Buick Designe Centre.
  
• The interior—and especially the dashboard—is made of the most substandard componentry in the modern world. I suspect that the Niña, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria had higher quality plastics wrapping their speedometers and fuel gauges.
  
• A motherfucking bench seat? Who the shit buys cars with bench seats anymore?
  
• XM radio. Bah. No NPR on XM.
  
• The venerable GM 3800 engine, responsible for laying down thick blue haze behind the Chevrolet Camaro, the Oldsmobile Intrigue, and the Chevrolet Monte Carlo¹.
  

To be fair, the Le Sabre had some cool features, too.

• A button which, when pressed, would switch the speedometer from MPH to KPH and cause the gauge to swing all over the place.
  
• ...
  
• ...
  
• really, that was the only one.
  

So don't buy a LeSabre unless you're old...and blind. Really blind.

¹ actually the ugliest car ever made.