I made chicken and ... stuff. No, just chicken.

I want to start out by saying that I have lots of fond memories of cooking frozen pizzas and microwaving Hot Pockets as a kid. My mom always did the best she could to give me and my sister nutritious meals, but times were difficult and she ended up having to work long hours to support us—so, I cooked a lot of junk food on my own.

This hasn't changed much. I can cook a few things pretty damned well (do cheesecakes count? no?) but by-and-large, I'm completely missing the touch that some people can bring to cooking.

Layla, on the other hand, is impressively skilled when it comes to cooking. Ergo, she cooks a lot and I ... work my magic.

So anyway, the point is that since we've been together, I've been eating wonderfully but the bachelor-esque cooking that used to fill some of my time simply doesn't anymore. In school I'd generally make a meal for myself five out of every seven nights (at times, significantly less often) but I wouldn't spend too much time doing it—macaroni and cheese (Kraft Dinner to you damned Canadiennes) doesn't take too long to make.

Tonight, I made some ... dinner, stuff. I asked Layla what the hell I was making, and she told me, "just chicken." I tried to make it more interesting ("chicken and sizzlin' sides!") but really, it was just chicken.

Here's how I made it:

• Cut up some celery.
  
• No, more celery.
  
• You can use the whole stalk, really. Cut all of it up.
  
• What was the next thing? I remember three ingredients ... celery ...
  
• Carrots, and onions. Right.
  
• Remember to wash them first.
  
• Peel some of them. We'll try it with some peeled and some not.
  
• Cut them up.
  
• Cut up the onions.
  
• Where are the onions?
  
• On the bottom shelf of the fridge. In the baggie.
  
• And ... garlic, right? Two clovie thingies?
  
• Yep.
  
• Cut the ends off and smoosh them.
  
• Mix 'em up. It's good¹.
  
• Toss everything in the crock pot.
  
• Get the chicken out of the bag it came in
  
• Ewww
  
• Now reach inside and take the guts out.
  
• Uh, what?
  
• Yuck, no.
  
• Can't I just hold it upside-down and shake it?
  
• Yes, that seemed to work.
  
• Rinse it inside and out.
  
• Put it on top of the veggies.
  
• Stand off to the side as Layla puts all the spices in.
  
• Put salt in until Layla tells you it's enough.
  
• Put the top on. toss the whole she-bang in the fridge.
  
• Turn on the crock pot tomorrow morning before you drop the BMW off to be serviced before going to work.
  

I'm not sure if I missed a step in there. I'm pretty sure that those are fairly easy-to-follow directions.

¹ Some of you will laugh at this line. Most won't.