I've hit my first big wall in Aikido. Not literally—well actually, yes literally, although that's not the wall I'm talking about.
I actually feel like I'm making serious negative net progress. The last two classes I've been to have been fairly frustrating and I've walked away both times feeling like I've made big backward progress. Part of the reason is that I feel like I'm much more critical of my own style because I'm simply able to recognize the difference between correct and incorrect technique. For the first month or so, it all seemed to blur together—but by now I'm starting to see how much of a goofus I really am.
The other part is that in a few different spots, I really do feel like I'm going backwards. Rolling is a good example—in the first few months, I'm expected to be able to learn how to do full forward and backward rolls from a standing position. As with most martial arts, it looks easy when demonstrated by someone experienced, but actually pulling it off requires muscle memory that I won't be developing for quite a while. I've got fairly good technique rolling over my left shoulder from a kneeling position...and that's it.
And on Wednesday night, I lost that, too.
I suspect that it's all due to being in the wrong mindset when I start classes. I feel like I haven't been really shaking off work completely by the time I get to the dojo, and it's seriously affecting the way I observe and the way I practice.
So my Big Goal for the next few weeks is to find the right attitude before I get to class. Hopefully that'll prepare me better for learning (which really is the goal here) and should keep me from focusing on all the wrong things. Hopefully.
i think you're definitely on the right track with the 'right attitude' idea. if you're busy judging yourself, you're probably not spending all of your energy focusing on the task at hand. good luck!
Don't give up, buddy - Aikido takes a LOT of work and one of the key aspects of it is 'losing your ego' and to learn that you have to let go of all your preconceptions. I'm also a tech guy like you, so I'm pretty analytical to start with + I had studied other martial arts before. Enough said - I basically walked in there thinking that I already 'knew something'... boy did I get my ass kicked... LOL. I've only studied a bit under two years now and I'm now realizing that I know 'nothing' - don't let your frustrations take the better of you, it's part of the learning process. Oh, poor me! I'm not getting this - maybe I'm not talented, not in shape... [fill in excuse of your choice]. Listen, my sensei is brutal and has ridiculed me in front of the entire class on several occasions. It's a test of yourself, just let go, don't think, just do Aikido because you love it. Don't expect an outcome - just be and do.
Words of wisdom from both of you. It's good to hear the reinforcement.
My last class seemed even worse than the one I posted about above, until I took the crucial step away from it all and realized that it's not about progress. It's learning, and it's learning for its own benefit.
BTW, where do you study? Your blog doesn't mention any city. You said you're working on Vista, so I assume you're in Seattle? I'm in L.A. btw...
I study at Aikido Northshore in Kirkland, just a few blocks away from where I live. The BlogMap at the bottom of the right column of the blog's main page gives a rough idea of where this is—but it's pointing to my old place in Bellevue (a few miles away) ... and I haven't gotten it fixed, yet.