October 11, 1967
Mercedes-Benz Engineering
Daimler-Benz AG
Stuttgart, Germany
Dear Director of Engineering,
I hear that you are getting close to completing your designs for the new 1969 Mercedes-Benz 250. Congratulations on so many years of hard work!
However, I would like to ensure that a few features are not overlooked when the car is actually finished.
- Please remember to make the final drive terribly high, so that cruising at 60mph in top gear will rev out the engine enough so it sounds like it's about to drop its guts all over the highway.
- Three words for you: green vinyl interiors. It's going to be all the rage!
- Also remember to fit two of the most complicated carburettors known to mankind. The Americans will be building something called the Space Shuttle in ten years or so—please make the carbs more complicated than that.
- Don't forget to include a second plastic fuel tank inside the rear fender. As you recall from our conversation last month, I prefer that there be three hard plastic lines entering this fuel tank, and that all of those plastic lines be stressed far enough that they'll surely snap in five or ten years. Bonus points go to you, dear sir, if this extra tank isn't actually useful!
- We've gotten great results from our focus groups, and we've now got a set of interior controls that are more effective at baffling occupants than ever before! Just like the fuel tank, you get kudos for making levers and knobs that don't actually do anything.
Thanks for your time. I'm eagerly awaiting the new 1969 model!
—Dr. Heinrich von Finetush
President Extraordinaire
Daimler-Benz AG
P.S.
As I'm sure you're already aware, your bonus this year is directly proportional to the diameter of the steering wheel fitted to this new car.
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